Jobs Creation

2010 April 15
by Dave

I hope Apple got a cut of the recent jobs creation bill, aka “The Jobs Bill.” The launch of the iPad has created at least one new position on every shift.

The iPad wiper. Earlier this evening I popped into the Apple store in the mall for the first time since the iPad launch. The speed and ferocity of the iPad wiper were amazing to behold. As soon as I set a tethered iPad down and stepped away, the wiper was there with his cloth removing my fingerprints and carefully realigning the tablet on its stand. He was swift and thorough and he hit the whole row of iPads for good measure. This is a guy who is thankful for his job and knows that the only hope of keeping the coolest job involving a rag is to constantly be on the bounce and never let a perspective iPad owner see a finger print.

I think the wiper almost laid an egg while watching two college kids handle one and talk shit about it. I was hoping for one of them to run his hand through his hair just so I could watch the wiper’s reaction. I can only imagine his horror at this video of two Gizmodo editors using an iPad while eating the new KFC Double Down sandwich. I doubt any iPad wiper with an ounce of dedication could sleep without nightmares after a viewing.

The only questions are whether or not the extended Apple Care plan comes with a wiper to follow you around and how long until I see the first unemployed kid hanging around a Starbucks with a blue rag trying to get people to let him wipe down their tablets and smart phones for spare change.

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